It has been said that familiarity breeds contempt. If this is true, how careful must we be in respecting the one with which we are most familiar… our spouse? A husband and wife then, must live together in mutual respect.

Without question all people desire and deserve respect within a relationship. However, the man’s need for respect will usually be far more crucial than that of his wife. This, in the same way as a woman’s need for love is usually far more prominent than that of a man. Dr. James Dobson, in his book What Wives Wish Their Husbands Knew About Women says: “one of the most basic differences between the male and female psyche is: men achieve self esteem through respect, but women measure their worth by how they are being loved.”

In her book For Women Only, Shaunti Feldhahn found (after interviewing 1,000 men from all walks of life) the #1 core need for men is respect. “The highest need for your husband” she said “is to feel respected… even more than being loved.” For most men in fact, this is the all encompassing emotional need. Similar to the way a woman receives love, most of a man’s emotional needs will be met only when he feels respected in those areas.

Also in For Women Only, in another survey, men were offered two choices: would you rather feel alone and unloved, or inadequate and disrespected. Every single man, 100% of all surveyed, said unloved and alone. I submit to you for most women, that is almost unthinkable; unloved and alone would be hell on earth. In the same way, if he feels Inadequate and disrespected, this is something akin to hell on earth for him! And by the way, we have all done this; I have been unloving to my wife and she has been disrespectful to me. Ladies, just know that when you disrespect him, although you probably do not intend to send this message— the message you are sending is you are inadequate! This is a message that strikes at the very core of who he is.

Don’t we kinda think: love must be unconditional, but respect well you gotta earn that? For most of us, deep down, we really believe that. For some of us it’s not that deep down. Women what would you feel like if your husband just stopped talking to you, with no explanation. Can you see how over time that would suck the life out of the relationship? You would feel unloved. What if he said, “you gotta earn my love!” It’s the same thing! He doesn’t have to earn your respect, any more than you should have to earn his love.

Ephesians 5:33 (NIV)
…each one of you also must love his wife as he loves himself, and the wife must
respect her husband.

articles:

Love    Respect    Intimacy    Never Stop Dating    Date Ideas